Me

I have been trying so hard to keep going, ignore the pain, the constant crap from ex and his family, the never-ending renos needing to be done, everything.

I am finally breaking down. Truly breaking down. And I admit, I am in depression. And I have been for a very long time. I simply never wanted to admit it. Not in my nature, I would answer people when asked about it, because of everything I have had to deal with. I guess someone should have pushed a little harder. I guess that shows how little people actually care about me. And I guess that shows one aspect I have to work at.

I am done with all those plans. I am going to start simple. I am going to do something that will fight off the depression and will make me feel good. I will exercise. Not to lose weight, not to get back in shape but to feel better.

I am having so much trouble with this. Everytime I think I am rid of ex and his dirty tricks, he comes back with more. How can I rebuild my life if he is constantly pulling the rug from under me ? I keep thinking that these is something wrong with me for him to keep trying to destroy me but I know this is not right. His actions are not because of me but because of who he is. Still, I wonder...

Ok, keeping things simple. Because court is in less than three weeks, I feel pressed for time. I feel anxious, angry, crumbling down. I need to call my lawyer on Monday and TELL him to push court back a few months. I am not ready to start this again. I need time to be in firmer ground.

Tomorrow, I exercise. Meaning, I walk. Walking makes me feel better, it makes the anxiety go away (while I walk).