The past few days

I have had some misfortunes lately. Nothing big, just frustrating. My internet wire broke and I had to wait a few days for the repair guy to come over. Once he did, the wire for my laptop cought on fire and that was that. I called to see how a new one would cost and WOW, 100$ plus taxes !!!! Yeah, forget about that. I will wait a few weeks then buy a new, smaller laptop. The old one, I offered it to the kids. DD#1 & DS#1 have come together to do  the work and share the laptop. I think this is a really great idea, them working together then sharing the laptop. I am going to find a used charger wire for them. I know I could find one for myself but I need to move on from that laptop. I really need a new one, much smaller, less heavy too. I have another surgery coming up so every pound counts.

I have DS#2 home sick today. The same hard, dry cough as his older brother. Youngest two boys are also coughing but they are not doing too badly. If they can still play and fight, they are doing just fine :) DD#2 is also coughing but she would have to be close to dying to miss gym comp. DD#1 is having lunch, dinner and spending the evening with the best friend and her family. The best part is that they offered to bring her back home. I told her she would miss bbq roasted chicken and Spiderman potatoes and maple glazed carrots but she answered back with enough leftovers for tomorrow's school lunch. Yeah, still doubling recipes for the next day's school lunch since I am not done with the renos. Kids are loving it. Yesterday, I made a cheese meatloaf with pilaf rice. Well, once everyone had eaten dinner and prepared their lunch for the next day, there were no leftovers. I love having meatloaf sandwiches the next day. Instead, I am making a vegetable cream soup since DS#2 has a sore throat. I did say I would also prepare a coconut cake for dessert tonight. We will see how tired I am later on.

I have been working on the last touches on my bedroom. I am so happy with the result. I love how nice and peaceful and bright it looks now. Andit has done wonders for my mood. I know this is not all due to the new coat of paint but it sure helps. I am still feeling much better. More positive too. I feel like my life is getting back on track, one day at a time, one home improvement at a time. I am still waking up at 2am and not able to fall back asleep before 6am. I do not get up, I just stay in bed, trying to empty my mind of its clutter. I find that it helps, I see things in a new light, and I see how it went wrong and that I do have a long road ahead of me. I am not discouraged because I know that, right now, every step is taken forward.

During one of those nights, I realized the bad relationship I had with food. Hearing people talk, reading articles, seeing pictures, all of that has contributed to that bad Relationship. Food is not bad, taken in moderate portions. I had all these thoughts about how this was now a bad choice or that would end up killing me. Enough already !!! Using margarine in my cookie recipe may not be as good as using butter but if it helps me save a few $$ while provinding a nice snack for my kids, then I am good with it. If eating meat instead of being vegetarian helps my kids and I stocked on proteins, then good again. If I want to eat a bags of chips while reading a book, nothing wrong with that. As long as I do not go back to a bag a night. I have eaten one bag so far this week and I have not allowed myself to feel guilty about it.

I am not letting myself feel guilty over everything anymore. I am not superwoman, nor am I supermom or rich mom. I am a mom, I am a woman that is raising her large family on her own. And I feel unbelievably Lucky to be able to do all that I actually do. My kids are also very Lucky. And they know it.